Hello, I'm Roy Christmas. I used to be a rubbish maths teacher at a local school. That was until a 6 year old asked me about simultaneous equations. From that point on my confidence was shot to pieces.

Now I work behind a checkout at my local Safeway. It's maths connected and the uniform has stopped rubbing now. I'm the only man on checkouts and I've learned a lot about Eastenders, hot flushes and cock.

As well as being in ROY, I'm also a member of a local choir. We meet every week to pretend not to flirt with other choir members and complain about the quality of the biscuits.

I also like voles. The cat had one once, and since then I've become heavily involved in vole welfare charities. I have an entire tea-towel set and a poster in the shed. I'm fond of giving talks to local groups of children about the joy of voles and how they shouldn't encourage the cats. My proudest moment was when I had my picture taken for the local paper. I was with the children of St Margaret's Primary School. I only lost 3 voles that day.